Welcome to our regular feature from our good friend and resident life coach, Linda Baldvinsdottir! Linda B is a leading international life coach from Iceland and is a LET Communication Consultant, Trauma Resiliency Model expert, Former President of the Icelandic Coaching Federation and Board of Icelandic Women’s Business Association. Here’s her latest La Vida feature….
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To feel unacknowledged in our society or by those who should love us the most, cuts the heart in a way nothing else can. To feel that we are not good enough or important enough for those to whom we offer our hearts on a silver platter is painful, and we can feel our hearts being crushed beneath the tidal wave of rejection.
Rejection can come from anyone, society, the workplace, family, friends, or a partner and nowhere does it hurt more than when it comes from those we are bonded to through love in one way or another. Those who experienced rejection or uncertainty about their place early in life are likely to spend much of their adulthood seeking approval from the people they connect with.
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With every inevitable rejection they meet along the way, their hearts may harden or grow more wounded until the day comes when they stop giving anyone the chance to hurt them again. And then, they reach to the point of rejecting their own need for love and care.
It is very common for those of us who have been single for some time to have gone through a number of rejections from the opposite sex. These rejections have caused some of us to stop taking the risk of loving at all and I believe that very often, it is our inner fear of rejection that drives that decision. We find endless escape routes to avoid feeling emotional pain:
- Our primary escape route, in love and in all relationships, is simply not giving anyone the chance to get close enough to reject us. As soon as we feel a relationship becoming too intimate, we’re quick to run.
- Another escape route is closing our hearts completely, letting no one in, growing hardened and bitter.
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
Both of these strategies are disastrous and they dramatically reduce the quality of our lives.
- First of all, life simply does not offer us the luxury of having everyone liking us. We will face rejection and there’s nothing to be done about that, and it says nothing about our own worth. And we should never allow it to define us in any way. For example, it does not diminish the beauty or qualities of Brad Pitt if I personally would rather go on a date with George Clooney! Brad just might not be my type, it’s as simple as that.
- Secondly, when we are searching for intimate connection, it is quite clear that we need to kiss a few frogs before we find the prince or princess of our dreams. Are we truly willing to let a few rejections or frogs who refused to transform, destroy our search for the moments of joy and happiness in the company of the right person? A person who respects, loves, and cherishes us?
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
Are we willing to spend our lives alone and abandoned because a few individuals did not see that we were a match for them? (Out of 8 billion people) If we look beyond our love life for a moment, the world would be poorer today if those who gave us magnificent stories and discoveries had given up because of early rejections from the society, colleagues, or friends.
- Do you know how many publishers rejected the story of Harry Potter? Not one or two, but 12 publishers who saw no potential in this magical story about a the young wizard. And yet, one publisher finally saw what others had missed and the story went on to conquer the world and bring unimaginable success to its creator.
- KFC would not exist today if Colonel Sanders had given up on sharing his recipe. He travelled across the entire United States chasing the opportunity that would eventually feed millions of people around the world. His determination changed everything.
- Charles Darwin was around fifty years old when he finally received recognition for his work. I would love to know how many rejections he faced, and how many people actually thought he was mad.
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
I could go on listing names of people who stood up again and again despite rejection until they finally succeeded. So let’s not give up and never allow a few rejections to define us as people or as active creators in our own lives. I know that when I reject something or someone, it is simply because the person, project, or job doesn’t fit my life’s definition or my life pattern. Nothing more. Full stop.
And although all of this sounds simple, it does not mean we don’t feel pain when we are rejected. We are human, after all and rejection often makes us question our worth. And who wants to question their own worth?
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
Today I am fully aware of my value, and I know I deserve only the very best and nothing less. If someone rejects me, then that person, workplace, or friendship was simply not meant to be part of my life. But I continue walking forward and create new opportunities for myself.
Because I believe wholeheartedly that people and circumstances enter our lives with a purpose, even from those who reject us. Some bring them tough but essential lessons. Some stay only briefly but leave important wisdom behind. And then there are the diamonds, those who remain with us through all seasons of life, teaching us about goodness, loyalty, and grace.
So let us thank those who rejected us, my loves, they most likely brought us the most valuable lessons. They showed us our insecurity and taught us what we needed to learn, change, and strengthen. Let us simply remember: Never allow yourself to close your heart.
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
In my opinion, that is not an option if we want a joyful and meaningful life. What gives life its true value is the giving and receiving of love, friendship, and all the beautiful human connections available to us at any given time. And that happens only in an open and willing heart, ready to let the beauty of the inside flow outward.
Few things are a greater poverty than losing the ability to show what lives really is at the core of our being and missing the joy that comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and to love with our whole heart. Let’s love, give, and enjoy each day in gratitude for those who didn’t reject us, and who remain by our side. And as Oprah says: “I no longer want anyone who doesn’t want me.”
What is meant for me in love, friendship, and work will show up at right time and right season, and I will recognize it with my heart when it arrives.
As always, I am just one appointment away from you if you need my guidance on your life journey.
Yours, Linda
