Linda B is a leading international life coach from Iceland and is a LET Communication Consultant, Trauma Resiliency Model expert, Former President of the Icelandic Coaching Federation and Board of Icelandic Women’s Business Association. We’ve partnered with her to help our readers with their problems via our problem page and free advice in articles.
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
I’ve decided that there’s a great need to dig out this old article that I wrote as we are using social media like never before, and if there ever was a need for this article then it is probably now. Those who know me a little know that I love Facebook and in fact some people think that I use the platform too much. But although I’m a big fan of it, I still see that it can have aspects that are not so fun or good for our life.
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
There are quite a few examples where I have personally heard about adultery on Facebook — or whatever name we want to give it when the our spouse starts flirting with a person online, a person who does sometimes not even have a registered existence.
Whether the character is real or not, this online flirting is something that is putting many otherwise very good relationships at risk. It is so easy today to communicate with people of both sexes online if there is a will to do so and it has probably never been as easy to engage in flirting online as today and all those online dating sites are a temptation for some.
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
In online flirting, chats are initiated through conversations that soon turn into a very grey area and sometimes turn into erotic conversations that provide sexual stimulation to one or both parties and can easily turn into something more.
In my mind, it’s crystal clear that flirting and online eroticism by those who are in a relationship is classified in my head as an adultery and nothing else. Unscrupulous sentences, ambiguous compliments and other interactions with the opposite sex that cannot be seen by the spouse are never acceptable or okay, whether they occur between from one part of a country to another part or from broad. I class it all as adultery.
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
There are too many relationships today that are coloured by mistrust and imbalance due to the electronic communication of the spouse with another person, and understandably all trust goes away when such communication occurs. And of course, this is something that should not happen at all in the first place.
Trust is the foundation of a good relationship and is the most important thing on which a relationship between two individuals is based, and there is no room for a third party there. Once the trust is broken, it is often difficult to work it out again, and the foundation of the relationship is gone.
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
But why do we find these kinds of communication today innocent? I sometimes think that we are really numbing our morals today and that we are doing ourselves and our lives a disservice by looking at many things that life has to offer today as innocent and maybe just trying to normalize them.
In these matters, as in so many others, sowing of this kind can never yield the harvest we desire to get out of our relationships, and in fact such communication only destroys it, thereby diminishing our quality of life and well-being. Marriages are in ruins and families split up. What has been built up has gone because of something that may not have mattered at all or was almost nothing except an occasional tension outlet.
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
But what about those who are single? It seems to be very common that single people looking for a future partner are chatting with many people at once in order to be on the safe side while forming a new relationship with one particular person and it seems to be necessary to have several other parties to spare if this new relationship doesn’t work out. I can promise you that this will never do your new relationship any good getting off to a start like this.
The trust is lost before the relationship can be formed and the bonds necessary for two human beings to be willing to give and receive – the relationship can therefore never be built on the right premises in my opinion. I know that many people will not agree with me on this point which is fine like always. I may be a bit judgmental in these matters, but my judgment is based on having heard too often about these cases and the consequences they have had.
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
In fact, pornography comes in as strong as the flirtation when it comes to shaking the foundations of relationships and is in fact often a by-product of this online flirtation. If we google the word sex, there will be 3,620,000,000 results found in 0.55 seconds, so the internet is a treasure for those who want to find porn and erotic chat and everything the mind desires at any given time to experience this kind of excitement.
But this is all adultery and none of it is innocent or okay. This is destructive for relationships and for the persons that engage in it even if they are not found out. Moral and remorse, as well as self-loathing, are the results along with broken self image and sometimes broken relationships (if they are found out), and I think that is not the harvest we really want to reap in our lives.
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
In other words, the profit or the harvest is poor for those who intended to get the excitement and wellbeing from the social media flirting or adultery. So if we want to build a solid and good relationship when we are forming a new relationship don’t flirt online with any other than the one you are with or are forming a new relationship with. Just take a close look at what it is that you want to reap in your live and sow accordingly in these matters as in all
others.
The old but good values still have their value and principles such as that we should take care in the presence of the soul are always classic. Lets choose to use the online media to build healthy and beautiful relationships for the benefit of ourselves and others, but not nurture the bad seed that is quick to take over the good that we have in our garden.
Lots Of Love,
Linda B x
