Welcome to our problem page with Linda B! Linda B is a leading international life coach from Iceland and is a LET Communication Consultant, Trauma Resiliency Model expert, Former President of the Icelandic Coaching Federation and Board of Icelandic Women’s Business Association. We’ve partnered with her to help our readers with their problems!
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
Dear Linda B,
Last year I split up with my ex. She has 2 children and we have one together. The problem I have is that I don’t know where I stand and it’s driving me crazy! Since we’ve been split up she has slept with somebody else and I’m finding it really difficult to deal with. I haven’t slept with anyone since we broke up.
Although we are technically still split up, we have had the odd kiss and cuddle and we have slept together a couple of times but most of the time she rejects my advances and recently she flipped out when I made a move to kiss her.
The thing is, I’m still running around after her and the kids, taking them out for dinner and doing all the things a partner and father does. It’s almost as if she wants all the things from a partner except the love and sexual side of things.
It’s really upsetting me as I want to work things out with her but just feel like I’m being used and it’s playing with my emotions. It’s like we’re stuck in between a relationship and being split up and I don’t know what to do.
John, Liverpool
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
Dear John,
You say that you split up last year and that your ex has been sleeping with other people since and she gets upset when you try to get intimate with her? That does it for me. If it does not smell, taste and act like love honey, it is not love. We do not sleep with other people if we are trying to find our way back to our ex-partner, it is as simple as that.
Of course she finds it very convenient that you take on all your former responsibilities with the kids and her like before, and I do not see anything wrong with you taking care of the kids. They are probably hurt, and like yourself, are trying to get over your split and need your love like never before.
On the other hand, I think that you will have to open your eyes and see things like they really are and just face the fact that this relationship is over. We should never take our new steps into the future with unrealistic expectations and create a new life from there. Now you have a chance to create a life that works for you. You have the chance to grow as a human being and take on the next chapter of life with optimistic hope and intentions of creating the best chapter of your book so far.
To chase someone whose heart is not connected to yours is a waste of your short and valuable life. Unfortunately, we can never force a person to love us and to be with us, nor should we even try to. It is our birth right to choose our own paths in life and that includes being able to choose who we stay with and spend our time with.
People come and go throughout our life, some will stay for a short time, others stay a little longer and then there are those few that stay for a lifetime. They are all our teachers who leave us with a little more knowledge of ourselves and what matters the most to us, and what we value in life. So treasure the time the two of you had together and give thanks for it. You have also brought a new life into this world that was perhaps the purpose of your togetherness. Both of you will have to bring up that child, show responsibility and give that child all your love. So, if you can, please be friends for the sake of that.
You are the prisoner of your own thoughts and expectations. You are only stuck in your false, but understandable expectations of the future. You are not being used, you are choosing to do things based on your hope of the two of you coming together once again, which is apparently unrealistic as far as I can see. With no love and no sex, as you say, for me that is more than an indicator of a relationship that is over. So, move on and believe me when I say that happiness will find its way to you once more. The sun always comes up after a few rainy days. Just surrender and wait.
Lots of love, Linda B x
To submit an anonymous and confidential question to Linda for free advice email info@lavidaliverpool.co.uk or contact her on FACEBOOK!
