Welcome to our regular feature from our good friend and resident life coach, Linda Baldvinsdottir! Linda B is a leading international life coach from Iceland and is a LET Communication Consultant, Trauma Resiliency Model expert, Former President of the Icelandic Coaching Federation and Board of Icelandic Women’s Business Association. She is also a bestselling author. Here’s her latest feature….
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This is the first time I write about red flags in a relationship and I was so surprised when I realized
that! Perhaps it’s because I have written about abusive relationships and the red flags are most certainly included in those articles.
I think that today it is more necessary to ask ourselves serious questions when we are in a relationship and I think these questions down below are so valuable. Answer them whole heartedly just to see if your relationship is worth your precious time.
Sometimes the hardest part about relationships is not seeing the other person clearly — it is seeing ourselves clearly within the relationship. Many people recognize unhealthy patterns long before they admit them. The signs are often there in the body, in the silence, in the constant overthinking, in the emotional exhaustion when the other person is not around.
But awareness without reflection rarely creates change. The questions below are not meant to judge you but they are meant to help you become honest with yourself. Because healing often begins the moment we stop asking “Why are they like this?” and start asking “Why have I accepted this?” Good luck….
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
Reflective Questions About Emotional Safety
- Do I feel emotionally safe expressing my thoughts and feelings in this relationship?
- Can I disagree without fear of withdrawal, punishment, or conflict escalation?
- Do I feel accepted for who I truly am, or only when I behave a certain way?
- Am I able to relax around this person, or am I constantly monitoring myself?
- Does this relationship bring me peace — or emotional confusion?
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
Reflective Questions About Boundaries
- What boundaries have I ignored to keep this relationship?
- Have I stayed silent about things that deeply affected me?
- Do I feel guilty when I say no?
- Does this person respect my emotional, physical, and mental limits?
- Am I betraying myself in order to avoid losing someone else?
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
Reflective Questions About Communication
- Can we communicate honestly without manipulation, blame, or avoidance?
- Do words and actions consistently match?
- When problems arise, are they addressed or buried?
- Am I constantly trying to “decode” this person’s behaviour?
- Do I leave conversations feeling heard or emotionally drained?
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
Reflective Questions About Patterns
- What recurring behaviours keep hurting me in this relationship?
- Have I normalized disrespect because it happens repeatedly?
- Am I attached to who this person is, or who I hope they will become?
- What am I continuing to excuse?
- If nothing changed, would I truly be happy staying here long term?
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
Reflective Questions About Self-Worth
- What do I believe I deserve in love?
- Do I confuse intensity with connection?
- Have I learned to associate inconsistency with love?
- Am I afraid of being alone, or afraid of choosing differently?
- What part of me still believes I must earn love through sacrifice?
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
The Question Many Avoid
- One of the most important questions in relationships is also one of the most uncomfortable:
- Would I encourage someone I deeply love to stay in a relationship that feels like this?
- Sometimes we offer others the compassion, clarity, and protection we refuse to give ourselves. Why is that so?
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
Final Reflection
Healthy love does not require you to abandon yourself to keep someone else. It does not demand constant anxiety, emotional guessing, or self-betrayal. A healthy relationship allows honesty, boundaries, growth, repair, and emotional safety to exist together.
And perhaps the deepest question of all is not: “Do they love me?” But: “Am I loving myself enough to recognize what is unhealthy for me?” Because self-respect changes what we are willing to tolerate. And once awareness deepens, it becomes much harder to return to what once felt normal.
As always, I am just one appointment away from you if you need my guidance on your life journey.
Yours, Linda
CHECK OUT LINDA’S BOOK OF ALL SEASONS ON AMAZON! FOR A FREE LIFE COACHING CONSULTATION CONTACT HER ON FACEBOOK!
